I dedicate this post to my best friend and pal from my primary school days, S Shetty ( a.k.a light rays )
Young actors want to be in lead roles. Why ? Nobody wants to play a role in the movie that no one remembers. But is it true ? Not at all.
I remember watching several movies where the villain or the supporting roles and their dialogues still vividly remain in my psyche than the ones by the lead role. Can you forget the “Joker” character(a villain / supporting role) in the batman movie ‘The Dark Knight’ made alive by the late Heath Ledger ? Posthumously he went on to win the Oscar as well as 46 awards including Golden globe and BAFTA awards.
In schools, kids are forced to compete with each others and be at the top spot. No one wants to be second. But how can everyone reach the top place ? Its technically impossible. The one who does reach the top position is seriously concerned about retaining that position and goes to great lengths to retain that, whereas the remaining ‘losers’ ( people who did not reach the top ) constantly worry over the fact that they are not good enough. Is the right scenario for a growing kids to be in ?
But I guess, here is what parents would think
But ‘aham brahmasmi’, this is all good to read as a blog post. If we don’t push, they will reach nowhere. And in this tough world, its good that these kids develop some tough mental attitude. That way, they could survive in this harsh world, when they grow up. You will never understand the parental love and concern parents have for their kids, Moreover, even with good grades, people struggle to get a good job !
Really ?
Okay, lets rewind 15 years back. Year 1998. I am studying in 6th standard ( 6th grade ) My best friend S, sat next to me. He wore specs and had a mesmerizing smile. I still remember his face vividly. I was an average performer, but he always used to get good grades. In one of the exams, there were a lot of tough questions and I scored average marks. But yet, he managed score above 70 ( out of 100 ) which was definitely a respectable score. I was so happy for him and even proud of him. But before the final school bell rang, I could see tears rolling down his eyes. I asked him why ?
He told me that he was afraid to go home !! I asked why ? He told me that his parents would abuse him verbally and physically for scoring such “low” marks. I could not believe what I heard. I told him that this was the best he could do and moreover it was actually good grades. He told me that unless he scored above 80 he would have a really tough time at home. I was shocked hearing that.
In high school, I shifted school and I lost touch with him. I did not have his phone number but my heart yearned to talk to him. After 5 years, one afternoon, I thought I got the opportunity. Out of nowhere I met a guy who was his from my friend’s college. I was so happy and asked him about S. He paused for a few seconds and then told me that S is no more. I could not believe my ears. I asked him how. It was suicide. He had written his 1st year PUC ( Pre university ) exams and was waiting for the results. He assumed that he might flunk and didn’t want to go through the torture again, from his parents and decided to take his life. As it turned out, when the results came out, he did score really good marks.
I lost my best friend S Shetty ( a.k.a light rays ) due to the constant pressure he had to undergo for not being good enough for his parents – over his inability to be at the top, ALL THE TIME.
Not much different is my cousin who out of his desire and expectation of his teachers and his parents, simply could not go to the exam hall, during the first year of his degree. He would get panic attacks and assume that he would fail in the exams, if he attempts to write the exam. So he decided to not go for the exams from then on, even after studying everything and beyond what is prescribed in the textbooks. From being the topper of the class, he became a dropout in less than a few months. He couldn’t complete his under graduation program even after countless session of therapy and counselling.
The list just goes on and on……
Dear friend, even if you cannot bring light to the world, do not bring darkness into the hearts of people whom you love. Be it your kids, siblings or other dependents who depend on you for their sustenance and who take your words to their heart. Please do not set high standards for them, that they cannot achieve and hold them responsible for it. Please do make it a life and death situation for them. Please…
