Does guilt and shame have power ?
Our neighbor’s son did not like the food his mom had prepared. It was too spicy for him. He simply refused to eat it. His mom was in no mood to agree to his liking or preferences. She tried different things – explained to him through loving and caring words, threatened him, pleaded to him – nothing worked – because the spicy food was too much for his mouth and his tummy. Finally it was like she had given upon him and she let him play around for sometime.
Now I don’t know whether it was intentional or not, but there was a juice packet which was kept on the window pane of their house and she just went and hung it on the handle of his small tricycle. Anyone with a tiny bit of common sense would know that, a 1/2 liter juice packet would have a very limited life on his kutty cycle.
Minutes passed, and then it happened, the juice packet fell down, and the juice stared leaking. The mother become ‘furious’ and was extremely angry at this ‘unexpected’ event. The kid simply did not know what to do. He was lost.
His 3 and 1/2 year old brain could not come up with any excuse, for breaking his mom’s trust and belief in him. His mom had trusted him with a juice packet and he simply could not ‘take care’ of it. From a look of defiance ( for not having the food ) I could see his face, change to a one, that was filled with guilt and shame. He didn’t even want to look straight at his mom’s face.
Suddenly to bring him out of his agony and pain, his mom suggested something, “Why don’t you at least have this food?” . The kid saw it as an opportunity to calm down the situation and took the first mouthful from his mom, and then the next, and the next until the lunch box was empty. Every time he took a spoon full, I could see him blowing air because it was too hot ( spicy ) for him and he kept reaching out for water. His face looked pale with the sheer amount of chilies and other ingredients that made it inedible for his young taste buds.
But at least he was happy, he was able to pacify his mother so that he doesn’t get punished for the grave mistake he had committed. Eating the spicy food, was his way of bringing the situation under control. And at the end, his mom successfully made him have all the food that was intended for him.
For people who are smarter than you, it’s a matter of time, before they make rules which make you fail eventually and then get condemned for all eternity. In your desperation, you will try to look for ways to please the big daddy, thereby ending up, sacrificing your own interests and liking.
In the mother and son example stated above, although the kid had to sacrifice his personal liking, it was still in his best interest. But this may not be true all the time, in every situation. In organized religion, in the organization ( company ) that you work, or in a black hole relationship ( a relationship in which you give but you get nothing back in turn – everything disappears forever ) people may be more than happy, to shove things down your throat, against your own will – by using fear tactics – by making you feel guilty and fill you with shame. Just like the kid, you end up, trying to negotiate by doing things which you don’t like or will ever do – if it was not for the shame and the guilt
